Walking Through Water

I'm holding Shannon standing at the edge of sand where water begins and staring at a vast ocean. Behind us is death. Before us is uncertainty. Turning back is not an option. Facing fear is an absolute. I can imagine the Israelites fleeing Egypt and standing at the beginning of the ocean looking at Moses. Behind them is certain death, but before them is intense uncertainty. They had to walk between walls of water along the ocean floor because turning back wasn't an option for them either. As Moses parted the waters they must have been terrified wondering, "should we trust this guy?" I know I would have.

That is how I feel when the doctors and nurses bring in the chemo drugs every 6 hours. Then the Holy Spirit reminds me that I must trust God, not man. The people of Israel didn't trust Moses, they trusted God in Moses and they had to. We have to. Behind Shannon is death just like Egypt was death to Israel. Yes, God could heal Shannon, but He is asking us to walk through water instead. 

The walls of water are high and raging. Inside them is uncertainty because we have no idea how long the road is or how long it will take to complete the journey. Walking through the walls of water I see on right and left endless treatments, side effects, complications, pain, suffering...but I have to trust God to not let them crash around our daughter. We have to keep our eyes fixed on Him. He didn't let them crash over Israel and He won't let them crash around Shannon. But, He did let those waves crash over death and we are trusting Him to do the same for our baby.

So we continue to walk through water. Daily trusting God that He will keep the waters parted. We keep our eyes on the sunlight ahead, the days of Shannon's life, the joy, the health and the life. The life that God planned for her. I believe with every cell in my body that while Shannon's days are numbered like all others, the numbers are many and the days blessed. 

The doctors have their facts and time lines that tell you exactly when pain and reactions will start. They say for 26 or more days Shannon's body will be riddled with open lesions and sores throughout her mouth, intestines, and rectum. They say she will bleed through her rectum and have second degree burns on her vagina and bottom from bleeding and diarrhea as she expels dead cells. They say she will swell with at least a pound of water weight. They say she will vomit and not eat. They say her skin will develop painful rashes. They say seizures, low potassium, blood transfusions and a pain pump are a certainty. During this process Shannon will be on a total of 3 antibiotics, 1 anti viral, 1 immune system suppressor, 3 chemo drugs, 5 medicines to keep her body from fighting back against the chemo, 2 medicines for pain, 1 anti fungal, 2 medicines for mouth care, IV fluids, IVIG, 2 anti-nausea meds and another to keep her bowels moving. 

Her transplant program lays out 8 days of chemotherapy including 3 days of the major heavy hitter called ATG. This drug will wipe out her marrow taking her white blood cell count to zero. That's right. She will have absolutely no way to fight infection. 

Then after 8 days of treatment, on Monday, November 21, Shannon will receive a cord blood infusion. A bag of life giving blood will be brought in to her room and hung on her IV pole. They explain that while you would think that this would be the beginning of the end it's actually the opposite. The hell I described above should start the following day for up to 30 days. 

Yes, the waters rage, but by His mercies we are not consumed. We are walking through this because God demands it of us. This is His choice and His ways are not mine. His knowledge is greater. His ways are greater. 

One foot in front of the other.